Where to begin?

Is not knowing where to begin some form of procrastination?  I know what I want to do, it's in my head, yet I'm struggling to actually BEGIN.

Part of it is I want to be sure I do things "right" though I doubt there is a right or wrong.  It's really just an excuse since I have a habit of jumping and doing stuff WITHOUT planning all the time.  So plotting and planning are really a sort of procrastination.

The other part is an unhealthy fear of failure.  I know it's there and I know it holds me back but yet I can't seem to get past it.  A fear that needs to be conquered.  I have lived inside a comfort zone for so long, it's hard to venture out and be "different".

And so, I must just begin.  Just do something, anything to move forward.  I know I'll thank myself for it tomorrow, next month and next year.

What inspires you?

Inspiration can come from many sources - our imagination, reading well written books, other people, or maybe Mother Nature.  Do you ever stop to think what inspires you?

I've been thinking about this lately and have realized there are two people in my life who have inspired me beyond words and they likely don't know it.  Scratch that, I know they don't know it.  If someone told you that you inspired them would it make you happy or a little freaked out?

These two people have never met and likely never will.  They are, on the surface, quite different yet spiritually very similar.

What do they have in common?  They are both living their dream, following their passion, and leading somewhat unconventional lives.  They are, as I like to say, coloring outside the lines.  As someone who spent an entire lifetime coloring INSIDE the lines I am inspired by their dedication, their self confidence, and their willingness to be different.

They have inspired me to find a way to do what makes me happy.  To find my passion and follow a dream.

A new goal for a new direction

So I've been feeling rather restless lately.  The deep down in your soul kind of restless.

Things have more or less settled down with work and in my personal life, but it's not boredom really.  It's more like a feeling that there is MORE out there.  More to get out of life or more to DO with my life.  Just hard to put into words.

I am tired of getting up every day and going to a job that is ok but not what I want to do every day.  Deep down, I have always felt this way about doing claims.  It can be mentally stimulating but it's stressful and, well, people can be ignorant.  There are times it is entertaining but many other times that it isn't. Not exactly how someone should spent upwards of 25 years of their life.  Yes, that long.

Then some things happened recently that got me all fired up.  Two, maybe three, separate people questioned me about why - WHY - I was "still single" or "not married".  One of the all time most hated questions to ask any single person.  Short of saying "what's it to you" there really is no answer that will satisfy most people.  And really, why should anyone have to justify anything some near stranger.

It got to me to thinking about things and before you knew it, I was thinking about writing a book.  Yes, a book.  There are far too many single people out there dealing with the "shame" being single.  As in "it's such a shame you are single" kind of shame.  And wouldn't you know?  Writing a book is on my bucket list so I am going to go for it.

That, my friends, is the new goal and new direction.  Not getting any younger and sometimes this girl needs a creative outlet.  What better way than to inspire other people who are single to accept it, embrace it, and love it!  At least I hope to be inspiring.

This is the beginning of my journey and I have to admit I have no idea what I'm doing.  I am equal parts thrilled, terrified and overwhelmed.  Hold on, this just might be fun!

Random Acts of Kindness Week

I'm not sure how or why this concept became such a "thing" for me.  Maybe I spent so much time being shy and introverted that I never thought how I treated people mattered.  That what I did really didn't matter to others.  This is, of course, entirely not true.

Maybe it took going above and beyond to do something "nice" just because to make it sink in. What we ALL do matters.  Every day.  How many times has your day been made a little brighter just because some stranger did something "nice".  Think about it.

I get weird comments about this concept.  People say "but I'm ALWAYS kind"!  Did I say they weren't?  That is NOT what this is about.  At all.  Otherwise, people would be "allowed" to be rude, mean, and inconsiderate all the time.  No, this means do something for someone random.  Something unexpected.  JUST BECAUSE.

My mom loved to bake.  It was her thing - and her calling card.  She rarely went anywhere social without taking some sort of baked from scratch goody with her.  Even when she was sick and on chemo, she was baking stuff for people.  During the few weeks she was with us, her friends wanted to have a get together and it made mom so upset that she didn't feel well enough to go without "taking something".  I assured her it was not expected or necessary.

She baked for co-workers.  She baked for the guy who worked on her car.  For her friends.  The mailman.   She was always baking something.  What she didn't didn't cost a lot of money, it was the investment of time and effort.  The unexpected gift.

I have sort of inherited this gene.  I bake for people at work when the mood strikes.  Or for friends just because or more likely for the people who see and love my dog every day at doggy daycare.  The joy it brings is priceless.

There is joy in the simple act of giving with expectation of getting anything in return.

Sunny Sunday...

It is an absolutely beautiful day here which is both good and, well, disappointing.

Not sure what happened to my foot last weekend, it is still bothering me though not as much. Maybe tendonitis?  Fascitis?  Or some other "itis"?  It's just frustrating and disappointing.

I have blogged on and off about running "over there" but sort of stopped when someone accused me of being "obsessed" about it.  Hardly true but I backed off anyway.  For me to be able to run more than a block and not want to pass out is truly an accomplishment - so I was proud of it.

I didn't start out wanting to run or thinking I could even do it.  It started with walking and then walking with a greater purpose - faster and with more intensity.  Then this urge to run just started to build up inside of me.  Hard to explain.  Then it became a challenge and a goal.  The challenge was to run more than walk, or run more than the last time.  It is truly a mental game and I learned discipline and to push myself when I thought I couldn't go any further.

The plan was to keep it up over the winter when it is so much nicer here to be outside.  If I could run 3.5 miles in the heat, imagine what could be accomplished in the cooler / less humid weather of winter!  But then my knee started to bother me a few weeks ago.  And now my foot.

Not sure what I'll do, have't figured it out yet.  I miss it, truly do.  It's almost a meditative thing.  No phones, no TV, nothing but an iPod and foot power.  The dog misses it, too.

I saw this pic on facebook and it struck a chord with me.  Perhaps running is no longer about weight loss and fitness but about getting rid of self doubt.

Speaking of ice....

The winter of 2009-2010 was mentioned in one of the comments on last night's post.  Yes, it WAS cold that winter here in Orlando.  Honest, it was.  The heat pump to the house stopped working a couple of times because it just could not keep up with the cold temps.  I know, anyone north of Georgia thinks Floridians are winter wimps, but even people from up north who came here on vacation complained.

One day, I took the dogs out for a walk and found icicles!  The neighbor had been running the lawn sprinklers so the pipes would not freeze and icicles formed on the hedge.  The pic below was taken in January 2010 in the early afternoon on a sunny day.  Yup, that means it was still below freezing by early afternoon.  I never, ever thought I would see this in Florida and hope to never see it here again.

It was a devastating winter for us - a lot of the native plants were killed along with fruit, ferns, and other commercial crops.  Did you know that an area just north of Orlando is like the fern capital?  As in the ferns used in floral bouquets.  There was a real crisis that year for florists who depended on the local fern growers for Valentine's Day arrangements.  

Keeping fingers crossed that this earlier than usual cool weather does not mean another winter like that one.

Almost Friday!

Things were going along swimmingly until lunch lol.  It was just sort of an aggravating afternoon.  'Nuff said about that.

So the storm claims keep on rolling in with apparently no end in sight.  The NJ Manager, being ever so intelligent, actually asked upper management if we would somehow "stop taking new claims" in order to get caught up.  Um, really?  I suppose he didn't stop to think how completely ridiculous that statement was. And he's in charge.  lol

Two temporary kind of people are starting tomorrow in our office so I will have to share my space - someone will be using CC's old desk.  Kind of a bummer, really, but good for everyone else to get some relief.

And now, a big thank you to Peter for mentioning the beach on Thanksgiving Day thing!  Turkey Day is two weeks from today!  It's been oddly chilly here ever since Sandy blew through.  We are talking possible frost tonight - which is rather uncommon for Florida in any month but really uncommon for this early in November.   Makes me think this winter will be like 2009 when it was cold here.

But in honor of the beach thoughts, had to post a beach pic.  :-)